Have you ever found yourself screaming at the person you feel should love you most? Have you ever wondered how you ended up in that moment where you felt totally alone, misunderstood, and most of all, unloved?
Wait! Stop! I don’t mean specifically. Unless you’re overwhelmed easily at the slightest hint of trouble, the specific situation isn’t important. (If you are overwhelmed at the first hint of trouble, send me a message and we can explore what’s going on so you can find a more effective way of coping.)
What I want to know is before you started screaming, did you feel like the other person was ignoring you? Invalidating you? Talking over you? Did something happen and you felt like you didn’t matter? What was the underlying issue that the specific situation triggered?
The Moments That Matter Most
These are moments in a relationship that matter more than others. When things go wrong we need to pay attention to what happens next. As you scream at your partner, what happens? Does your partner stop, apologize, and try again? Does your partner walk away, silent?
What about you? When things get tough, do you move in, dig in, and let your partner know you’re there and want to try again?
Every day we have an opportunity to be there for the people in our lives. Those everyday moments are so important. It takes ten days of ordinary to equal the weight of one day filled with intense emotions. If for ten days you treat each other with compassion and respect, then you’ll weather the storms of disrespectful moment. If you treat each other to snide comments and disrespectful behaviour, then those bigger moments carry more weight.
Take some time to reflect on the relationships you have. Do they balance out? Or does something need to shift?
Take some time and really look at when you fight, how you fight, and whether the times you’re not fighting balance out the times you do fight. In order to improve your relationship. It’s important to know where you stand first.